Monday, July 22, 2013

Confirmed: Maura suffered from Bulimia.

I spoke today with another man who investigated Maura's disappearance (full interview soon) and he confirmed another rumor that has come up again and again over the years. Maura suffered from bulimia for years. Other girls who lived in Kennedy Hall became aware of this. Her family had known for years, but were not exactly rushing to get her the counseling she needed.

At one family gathering, Thanksgiving or Christmas, Maura's mother Laurie outed Maura in front of her siblings, saying, "Why do we have so much food if you're just going to throw it up later?"

I'm really beginning to wonder if Maura had a single kind person she could turn to.

25 comments:

  1. It's very unfortunate to hear this. Makes me sad for her.

    It's so very difficult to come to a place where bulimia, alcholism, drug abuse , etc. is someone's only reprieve. It's so fleeting and shameful.

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  2. What a horrible thing for a mother to say, made even worse that she said it at a holiday gathering.

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  3. My goodness, indeed Joe. What a horrible thing to say. The more I learn the truth of this poor girl's life, the sadder I become for her.

    I think CC's comment is an important one too. Shame is a known and studied part of the addictive cycle. It is one of the reasons many scholars refer to addictions (including alcoholism, eating disorders, compulsive behaviors, compulsive sexuality, smoking, etc., and codependency, all of which have similar chemical effects on the brain) as as "family disease." So often it is the inheritance of a family shame and the struggle to live up to expectations of outward denial of that shame that creates addictions. Young people growing up in families where this cycle of shame and chemical/compulsive denial reign face very confusing and lonely and contradictory signals and have odds stacked against them in terms of not falling into to the same cycles.

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    1. Precisely on point. Addiction can manifest itself in a myriad of ways: The real kick to the teeth for hardcore alcoholics/addicts is trying to keep it together around the holidays...mostly able to avoid one-on-one time normally, they are swept up into a family gathering (almost always) and all hell breaks loose.

      I cannot tell you how many instances I can think of regarding a similar situation. The difference is, the one lashing out (Mom, in this instance) usually has a jealousy/envy issue with the one they attack (Maura.)

      Was Mom jealous of Maura? Was it just alcoholic anger? Was it something more sinister, such as, a jealousy over Maura's firm handle on her father's attention? Divorce doesn't always end the drama.

      Regardless, it's quite sad that Maura had to suffer through the indignity of a public shaming via her own mother. I can't imagine a worse feeling.

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    2. Don't you have your own blog to post John? I think Mr. Renner can defend himself if he feels its necessary. And I see that he did. The best thing about
      Renner is he knows when it's worth the battle. Well, that's one of his bests.

      And I don't need you to piggy back off my comments. Come up with your own.

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    3. JG - I thought you graciously bowed out from this blog in late June? This blog is intended to assist in finding the whereabouts of Maura and as a critical discussion of possible clues and hypotheses of what became of her. Not as a place for you to garner attention to yourself as you did by falsely announcing your departure only to return weeks later.

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  4. The more I hear about her family the more convinced i am that she left & started a new life else where....who could blame her!
    Perhaps she was helped by a women's refuge?although due to confidentiality this would be difficult to follow up on

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  5. Lets embellish some tales so that you can drag the family through the mud. Thats what they deserve since their daughter was ripped from them. As long as we move some books who the hell cares??

    I hope this book brings attention the the case despite the aurthors agenda. There is some scumbag that picked her up and murdered her... No telling what else. My heart goes out to her friends and family. She was clearly loved.

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    1. Justin,

      You don't know whether Renner has "embellish[ed]" this "tale."
      You don't know whether someone "picked [Maura] up and murdered her."

      Renner may have flaws. We all do. But at least his posts are based in reality.

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    2. And what is your agenda? That publicly insulting your kid constitutes "love"? I am glad James, at least, is willing to tell the truth. Honesty seems to be in short supply in Maura's case.

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    3. Justin,

      I would like to give you the chance to explain your comment, although I will admit that my first reaction is - like Sam's and Library's - not very supportive. It does come off sounding like you are being a hypocrite (embellishing your own tale with some sort of agenda as a way to accuse someone else of doing it, thus looking like you are projecting and not in terrific control of your thoughts), but that could reflect my own biases and not you. So I would like to give you a chance to explain. Where in the short statement above do you see an embellishment? It sounds like James simply related information that he got from reliable source. Perhaps I am missing something. Could you tell me where the embellishment comes in and indicate what your source is for being able to measure the flagrant magnitude of it that your comment suggests?

      John

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    1. James doesn't need to "drag this family through the mud", as the Murrays have already managed to do that on their own.

      As for skeletons in the closet, should we all share ours before posting so you can decide how credible you think we are?

      Why shouldn't James make money on this book? He isn't running a public charity, and he's already spent quite a bit on investigation and travel to NH. I hope he makes lots of money--that means more people reading the book and searching for Maura. I plan to be one of the first buyers.

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    2. @ Robert:

      "[A] doctor's diagnosis," presented by an investigator, is, in fact, hearsay. Putting that aside, are you suggesting that, absent a doctor's scribble, Maura's struggles weren't real? If so, I strongly disagree.

      You're free to spend your time investigating Renner's "skeletons." He's free to investigate a case that deserves a resolution. Here's the difference: when he's finished, people will actually care about what he has to say.




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    3. I am sorry, but I do have to chuckle at Sam's response. He is of course dead on correct. As for your comment, I would like also to give you a chance to explain. How do you know what Renner did? While you might suspect his evidence I have to say that the basis for your accusation seems much less solid than his information. Moreover, we already had anecdotal indications of the eating disorder, to such an indicative degree that this is not a surprise to any informed participant in the discussion. But I think many informed participants, on the contrary, have not ever seen and would be utterly stunned to find that your accusations toward Renner are correct. Thus you have evidence toward your point that lacks credibility in the same way that you say Renner's does, only to a greater degree AND very little else about the story corroborates your accusation, unlike the evidence presented by Renner. In that context, it is hard to not view your comment as somewhat emotionally driven by you acting out psychological needs and - perhaps too frankly - making shit up to cause trouble. But again, that could be my bias. I would like to hear you out and understand your reasoning and evidence regarding Renner. I hope you will provide it. If not - or if you just go nuts on me personally - I think that it would be for anyone even a little thoughtful to take your comment seriously.

      John

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  7. While I am not a psychologist, I am a mental health RN, and the behaviors Maura exhibited seem to coincide with a bulimia history. Commonly, those suffering from eating disorders also struggle with other addictions(alcohol and drugs), often make up excuses and miss work or other responsibilities(like the email to professor and possibly making plans to stay alone in cabin), also exhibit risky-type behaviors(stealing credit card, drinking and driving. They crave close relationships, yet often suffer from social anxiety. Typical bulimics/anorexics have distorted images of themselves and could be described as "perfectionistic" types. We may not have a concrete diagnosis, in my opinion this makes total sense. Unfortunately, not sure it really gets us any closer to finding her.

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    1. This is a great contribution and thank you for offering it. I would like to add that bulimia like other forms of addiction all play in the brain in similar ways, stirring massive releases of nepinepheron (which I surely just spelled wrong), which gives you a sense of well being even when the reality around you begs otherwise. As the mass dose wears off, urges to reengage the chemical or behavior zenith and a cycle begins involving a shadow boxing match with shame (usually a family shame) that you can defeat temporarily, but which you slowly make yourself more and more vulnerable to as the addiction tires you and takes various mental and physical tolls on you. As such, bulimics share these qualities you mention with many other suffers of addiction and compulsion, including ones related to chemicals, sex, eating and codependency with that final one being a sad foundation for all addiction. Even that double life perfectionism and destructionism is prevalent in alcoholics. I say all this because I think it is important to remember that SOOOOOO many people are trapped in some version of this same thing that Maura was. Some tolerate it better and longer, but in a way that is a curse, because the only way out is resignation. The fine author Scott Peck, who wrote "The Road Less Travelled" and other amazing books about the human journey said that in 500 years when the signficance of the 20th century is discussed, the space program will not be as prominent as Alcoholics Anonymous. If you around, between sex, booz and food alone, how many in our society suffer some version of the family disease of addiction. Maura's story, in its reality - its warted flawed reality - is SO important in that respect. And she is so much more beautiful as a person struggling against this large societal and family disease that she could not have avoided in her life than she is as the perfected all american. So thanks for giving expert voice to this and letting me add what I know. I think this is a very significant of her story and maybe in way a joyous part, because it might be a loving message in effect from her to her sisters, who both still I think are struggling a lot in life.

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    2. John, your definition of addiction is brilliant.

      Let me add:

      Maura's story is compelling precisely because she was complex. People care about Maura's story because Maura is real. Trying to conceal the details of her life out of "respect" for her family or friends is simply disrespectful to her. Even if she passed away, nine years ago, Maura Murray will exist longer than most of us. It's important to uncover as much of her story as possible and preserve it.

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    3. Stefany78, Perhaps you can answer a question I've asked many times and never have received an answer.Maura was doing her clinicals at a hospital. Would she have been alcohol and drug tested at the hospital as part of the clinicals work/working with patients?

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  8. John and Sam! I am so glad you were able to put a more eloquent explanation of eating disorders and addictions,, thanks for that! Sam- you are absolutely correct here! None of us are here trying to drag Maura or here family through the mud.. We love this case because Maura is so real and complex. I know I was once a struggling nursing student with too much on my plate. I said earlier that I am not sure this gets us any closer to finding her, but it does give is yet another piece of her puzzle. BTW, John- I think the "Road Less Traveled" is probably my favorite book of all time!! :)

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  10. Its possible if Maura had a relapse of her bulimia that could account for her alleged credit card frauds she could have been trying to purchase large amounts of food to be consummed which she couldn't have on a students allowance. Such a sad story

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  11. Come on guys, do your reading! It's all back in the information from West Point. She couldn't hide it there and her younger sister that went there with her was very worried about her. She was also told to leave West Point for stealing as well. Maura seems to have been a very mentally unhealthy person. With her traits, other things that come to mind along with eating disorder, drinking problem, stealing, drinking and driving, impulse control issues, sexual promiscuity, possible mood disorder, inability to emotionally regulate, I usually see drug abuse as well as a history of childhood abuse, verbal/physical/sexual/emotional. Her family history of addictions and mental health issues shows instability. I think Fred gives the story about buying a car so he has a reason for having withdrawn $4000 from accounts. He needed something to tell the police. I think Maura was in much bigger trouble, possibly pushed off road-car accident with fathers car? Leaving work so upset? Maybe she was a CI due to bigger not yet revealed issues and found out, or maybe she owed the wrong people money. You can't just use a credit card online by finding a receipt in the trash which is what the police report says Maura reported she did. You need a security code. And those are not on receipts. And she had a list of other credit card numbers to us according to the police report. We don't know what else she was into or who else she was working with.
    As for the post above, students in the dorms can get so much food its a wonderland and they can get things back to the dorms. I am sure that eating in the caf triggered her. Yet I also assume since it has not been mentioned that she was never in treatment,so her bulimia was never in remission and was probably quite active. Binge drinking and food binging go hand in hand. This girl had found out that her bf had cheated on her. She was having indiscriminate sex. Her family was a mess and going bankrupt. Her criminal charges, or anything that may have gone on her record as an adult, would ruin her career. Nursing is very competitive and difficult, having stealing or substance abuse on your record and you would have a difficult time getting a job. Getting caught using substances or dealing? forget it, you won't get your license. I'm not sure about a DUI with that, but OUI ? I tend to think her father helped her get out of dodge and helped her cover it up. He went missing himself for a few days there. Can't account for his whereabouts for the first few days she was gone, I believe. He could have been the person riding in tandem.

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