Monday, July 15, 2013

Song by Maura's Brother Kurt Suggests Family Believes She Could Have Run Away

A song written by Kurt, in 2010:

What I Wouldn't Give
Where did you run
Is there somewhere that your new life has begun
In a sea of endless time
What have we done
To make you turn your back on us and run
From our love
That will grow on your return
Why did you shun
A life that you had only just begun
To live, to live...
What I wouldn't give to only see your face,
Your radiant smile, flowing grace
If I could know for sure that you've not been lost in time
And if you only knew what your absence here has put us through
In hopes that someday soon you might walk back through that door.
I know you're out there waiting
Until the pain you feel subsides
but your fears, your doubts, your anger
with our love we'll cast aside...
Repeat Chorus
Maura, we're missing you so dearly now
We see your face so clearly
We pray with ever hopeful hearts
That you'll still walk back through that door
Someday you will, I'm sure...


  1. People are going to say that he was practically a baby when he wrote this so his ideas will have nothing to do with those of the adults around him.
    In fact, when this was published on Helena Murray's site, that is exactly what was said.

  2. My read of these lyrics and the feel of the song itself do not suggest that the family thinks she is alive. Others have said it too. But I wonder what the reasoning is? I personally don't it. I am very interested to hear more of the family's statement when it was posted, re: John Avellar's comment.

    1. There was a great deal of a control-freak mentality floating around on the old Maura site along with a sort of schoolmarmish need to let everybody know that they had better toe the mark or else. For example, early on when Kurt's poem was interpreted by many posters as Kurt believing that she may have run away, it was not long before we were told that there would be no more discussion of this issue.
      There was also a need to make certain that we posters not suggest that the amount of booze bought by Maura was in any way excessive. We were assured that she simply liked her daily mixed drink and that the amount found would be in no way excessive for a week or so. I definitely caved into pressure and apologized for posting that she seemed to have purchased too much for one young woman to drink alone; moreover they were not thrilled when it was asked why she had bought her stuff in Massachusetts when it is a well known fact that alcohol is far cheaper in New Hampshire and that she was headed up there anyway so why not wait until she crossed into that state?
      Finally the most mind-mindbogglingly absurd notion propagated by those purporting to be close to the family was that Maura had died on the very night that she crashed and to suggest otherwise was a real slap in the face to her family. One would have expected that those close to the family would have been doing everything possible to let everybody know that they believed strongly that Maura should be considered very much alive until her body was found and not one millisecond before that. The sense I got was that many who saw themselves as close to the family could not fathom the suggestion that Maura might simply have decided to start a new life without any of them being in the picture.

  3. If he wrote this in 2010 he wasn't that young. I don't know exactly but I guess he was 20, 21 years old at that time?

    I think the lyrics are about his thoughts and feelings and they tell me he feels she ran away from him and his family, but he doesn't really know why.

    1. I think he was 15 when he wrote it. I personally would not discount the musings of a 15 year old in any event.

  4. I agree! I am 22 and I feel like I could surely decide what the family dynamic was/is! It's interesting, he is about Maura's age she disappeared upon writing this, and he seems to have some resentment towards maura as well!

  5. This is a bit off subject but I have wanted to say this for a bit now. If Maura wanted to either run away or harm herself it is not unusual that she would have wanted to email her professors. Doing so would have "bought" her time to get away because the school would have a reason for her absence...

  6. Yes. But I'm not so sure if that was her intention, she would make the effort to buy herself some time. Just my own personal opinion, but if I know I'm not coming back, then there is no reason at all to set up a situation to buy some time. I would only email my professors if I felt like at some point I would need a justification to have been absent. That makes me feel she was simply planning ahead to cover her absence.

    1. Seems like I didn't finish my thought on why Maura would let her professors know she would he absent.If she was planning to run away she would have time to simply keep going before they started looking for her. The idea being that whatever she might been up to she didn't want to raise any red flags immediately. In any case there seems to be a reason for her wanting to tell her professors. I find it interesting....

  7. CC, I agree that this message could mean she was planning ahead to cover her absence. On the other hand if that was her intention, why didn't she tell this to her Amherst friends? It also was a lie, so if a student or teacher would ask her about it, she needed to have a fabricated story ready. I myself would not have come up with a story about a death in the family as a cover, would you?

    If she was running away for good, she would never have to explain her story and it possibly would give here a week before anybody would start looking for her. So I think that is also a possible explanation for these emails.


    1. I can only speak for myself, but part of the reason I follow this case is because I feel I identify with Maura in many ways. I think of her as an "over achiever" and people pleaser to an extent. She and I are around the same age, and I too found myself in some significant trouble in the earlier part of my college years. My biggest problem was I was an alcohol abuser at the bare minimum. I was an alcoholic. I won't go as far to say Maura was because clearly I don't know that.

      But I know I did the exact same thing in college. More than once. I was not concerned about telling my "friends" anything. They were actually just drinking buddies. Plus she was in college. Not high school. A professor likely would not ask, or take much stock in another students tattling on Maura. Also, she did not say there was a death. She stated she had a family emergency. Again, as an alcoholic I get what she was doing. She didn't commit to a particular story. Thus making it very easy to adjust the details if necessary. And I kept my books in my car. All the time. It was way too much trouble to carry them into my dorm.

      I was miserable at college living in the dorm. Most nights I made the hour long drive back to my hometown to stay with my boyfriend. And then I rarely went back for class the next day.

    2. I completely understand what you mean. There is just something about this case that makes me think she ran away and left everything behind. Of course I realize I also want to believe that and maybe I'm not critical enough.

      That said, I believe it is only possible she is alive if her intention was to leave everything behind when she left Amherst. So I try to look at everything from that angle. To be honest I think the chance she is alive is not very big. But I do believe it is possible and I have not read anything, anywhere that has convinced me otherwise. But comments like yours and those below from JL76821 indeed make a lot of sense and would suggest she is probably not alive.

    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    4. JW : I am not so sure she did not tell at least one of her friends what she was doing or at least hint it. Its possible she didn't but I find it hard to for her writing her professors she did not have to do that unless she had a reason to. Some of these programs are kind of on top of the students and students have to have a very good excuse not to show up for class. They would have inquired regarding her absence very quickly...I think...
      At least that is how it was at my daughter's school.

    5. She might have told one of her friends something, but I find it hard to believe that friend would not have come forward when it became clear Maura had disappeared.

      Like you, I think Maura had a specific reason to email her professors, maybe she just made up a story so she would not get into trouble when she got back. I think it is also possible she wanted to buy herself some time. I have been a student myself and sometimes professors were indeed on top of things. I have no idea what the situation was at Umass in 2004.

  8. This is more of a general thought, but we've spent a lot of time looking at Fred Murray's part in Maura's disappearance, and not a lot of time on Maura’s mom. From what I remember, she is reportedly an alcoholic? If that’s correct, it’s worth noting that children of alcoholics universally exhibit a lot of the same traits, including judging themselves harshly, impulsivity, black-and-white thinking, lying instead of telling the truth, and a propensity for substance abuse. Here’s a couple of well-known lists about ACOAs:
    If you look at Maura in that light, it might be more understandable why she packed up her room, bought a bunch of alcohol, and drove into the mountains without any finalized plans for lodging (as far as we know). The hectic confusion of that weekend, and the tearful phone call, etc., which may seem like overreactions to whatever bad stuff was going on in her life, are, I think, typical overreactions of an ACOA in crisis. If you look at it that way (which I”m not saying is right, just a thought), it would weigh against her having some sort of master plan to run away to Canada or what have you.

    Also, FWIW, I think if Fred knew where she was, he wouldn’t be participating in documentaries like Disappeared, which are going to bring just as much attention to her as will James’s book.

    1. Also, I've long thought that the argument that "it's so unlikely Maura would get picked up in the 5 minutes she was alone after the crash" is questionable. You're looking at it from Maura's timeline. From the perspective of the hypothetical killer, maybe he's been driving around for hours every night before he sees Maura. In other words, it wasn't a small window of time from his standpoint. And I think predators can sense when people are vulnerable, as Maura probably was.

  9. Does anybody know if kurt still has a relationship with his other sisters & Fred?

  10. "If I could know for sure that you've not been lost in time" -- Basically, like most loved ones of missing persons, he is hoping that she has run away; not doing so is too painful (because the alternative is clearly death).

  11. Is Kurt Fred's son, or is he a half-brother of Maura on her mother's side? I know her parents were divorced; that's why I'm asking. If he is not Fred's son, it would make sense that he is not in on the secret IF Fred is involved in helping Maura disappear.